I don't understand.
Jul 15, 2026
It has been 9 days.
Since we lost Fraser.
My sweet beautiful 17 year old nephew.
We will never have understanding of this.
We will never know why this happened.
Understanding, we have been conditioned to believe, is necessary to move to any next step.
Understanding is a stepping stone that you feels solid under your feet.
So where do we go when that stepping stone will not appear. We can't think our way to a place where we can access it.
The mental click of reassurance that helps makes sense of things.
We just won't get it.
In the absence of understanding, where can we step to navigate, move, continue, live?
From now on each step is blind, in darkness, trusting, feeling. A move without certainty, assuredness, or light to guide the way.
The Yin and Yang at play.
In a world that has taught us to rely solely on what we know, can see, prove... UNDERSTAND - we are now being shown that was a foolish way to think. To THINK that we could live with only light and not darkness. With only the practical and logical and not also the mystery and magic.
We have created a world where understanding has to precede every decision, and now... life is telling us to ditch that ridiculous paradigm.
That isn't the way. It never was. I knew that, I have been preaching this for years. AND this year it is asking me to go even deeper, to live there for a time and get good and comfortable there.
The darkness, the unknown - it has as much to teach us as the light. It holds as much wisdom as the known.
Our thinking minds will never comprehend.
This is work for our feeling body's. Because here, we can listen, follow, step - trusting our hearts, over our heads, to guide us through.
xoxo
Jill
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